24 September 2007

Keeping The House Warm

Whilst The Purple Gooroo and Pixie are off on their hols I thought I'd pop by and make sure the place is up together, open the windows, use the toilet and steal the biscuits! I certainly want to say how much I sympathize with The Gooroo and all that he says in his post below. Mr. Gooroo... I'm not sure why you think these are demons of your own creation, though. Don't blame yourself for feeling unwell just put your energy into getting better again. It's true what you say about being unwell making you selfish. I've been there, brother. When I suffered my own mental torments I was a pain in the backside to live with (and still am, from time to time). It's important to make the most of the times when you feel better and convey to those around you how much you appreciate their loyalty and support but don't beat yourself up too much because that won't help either! You know that those who love you understand. I've found it helpful to keep my radar open for the first signs that I might be getting into one of my 'pits' and try to either act quickly enough to head it off by doing something therapeutic or, if I'm already too far gone, then remove myself from the company of others for a while so at least they don't get hurt by metaphorical flying glass. Of course, I'm not saying it works all the time or for all people. Life can be tough! I agree that medication helps too but it just gives you the platform to change things for the better from within. I'll admit I'm still chewing on the things after countless years but they have certainly helped and there's no shame in needing them, especially if it gives you the chance to start really 'changing your mind'. I know, in my own case, this has been a very slow process.

That was a long and rather rambling paragraph but I hope it was okay to say these things. One final point regarding the above, I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment (mainly due to non 'head' related stuff) but she has asked me to try and write down all my current thoughts and feelings about things I'm going through. It's odd but although I can ramble on about all sorts of nonsense I find it really very difficult to write about my own truest feelings. I've never been able to keep a diary, not because I wouldn't want anyone else to read it but because I know I'd find it hard to be honest with myself in words. I'm not sure what this means. I think seeing my own deepest, sometimes most fearful, thoughts actually on paper, in words, would make some things too real. I'm almost phobic about it, which is probably why I enjoyed art therapy so much because I could get my feelings down in symbols (usually utterly abstract); with honest words (and there is no point to dishonest wordsmithery) you have nowhere to hide. Anyway, I'm going to try but I think it'll be hard even though it could be very helpful.

I've also been spending a fair bit of time reading and listening to music but in my case it's been re-reading books and listening to OLD music, much of it from my ancient vinyl collection. Actually, I'll have to admit that all the reading has been about music as well! I read Woody Guthrie's Bound For Glory again, followed up with a fine book on the musical roots of Bob Dylan (yawn...I can hear you!) by Wilfred Mellers called A Darker Shade of Pale. His analysis of Dylan himself is a bit of a drag but the first half of the book concentrates on Dylan's folk and blues influences and is a good primer for anyone who wants to get into the old stuff but isn't sure where to start. We all know about Son House, Robert Johnson, Woody and all but for anyone who hasn't heard Dock Boggs or Roscoe Holcomb or Gaelic Psalm singing....get some now! Ah, music. The cure for so many ills. I recommend the warm, heart massaging bass that comes with most great reggae, particularly dub or the works of Jah Wobble or the Bronx based sisters ESG. In the words of the great Smith and Mighty, 'Bass Is Maternal'.

I'm glad to have been able to get around to making this brief contribution to our blog and I hope to be back again soon with something more concrete to say or maybe I'll just ramble on as usual! Hope Pixie and The Gooroo's holiday is wonderful and we all are blessed with good health and happiness soon. Peace.


The Purple Gooroo said...

Cheers for the kind words, Bear and thanks for covering the blog in our absence.

Yeah, I try not to beat myself up over the anxiety spells, but I don't want to play the "blame game" either. I try to stay as positive as possible.

This week went better than expected, so I'm recovering nicely. I hope you're feeling better yourself and enjoying your reading and tunes-time!!

Flaming Pixie said...

Who ate all the biscuits and left the toilet seat up ????

Anonymous said...

Ooops! I always do that!

I hope to be back with more ramblings soon.